Monday, January 14, 2013

A New Year, A New Lease on Life!

     I have taken a break from the blog scene for a while, haven't I? I've been doing many wonderful things in my life in order to make a shift in my attitude from negative to positive. It has been a daily investment. I believe many wonderful things have come from this investment. 
     I have started to notice when I get angry, and I can just stop what I'm doing, and saying now before it goes any further. Once my ears start to burn, I just stop. For a while it was just something I said would be nice to be able to do, now through constant observation and inventory of myself, I am starting to realize when to go without saying anything!
     Having a positive attitude is very important to me. In past blogs, I have stated that whatever you put out into the Uni-verse, you get back, right? Putting all of that negativity out started to take its toll on my marriage. Not only did my husband have to put up with one negative former wife yelling about everything he wasn't doing, but he was dealing with the negativity I was putting out as well. He did not know if our marriage was going to be worth it, one train wreck after another. 
     This was my wake up call. Had my negative attitude really gotten that out of control? Yes, it had. I knew it had. I watched myself spiraling downward and oftentimes felt helpless. When my husband said he didn't know if it was worth staying in the marriage, I knew I had to step up the attitude adjustment. I had to stop playing the victim. Anger was not something that was happening to me. I was exuding it, seemingly from every pore.
     For the entire month of December, I dedicated myself to waking up grateful for all that I had, even if I didn't like what I had, and was pissed off at the situation I was in. It was the "pisstivity" that was bringing me, no- it was bringing US down. I had been practicing the "Gratitude Exercise" since November, and it was slowly seeping its way into my core. By Christmas, I could actually get out of bed and smile.
     It's not easy to write down 10 things I am grateful for every day, but I have noticed that on the days I forget to do it, or I "don't have time to" I don't feel quite as carefree, my day is just a little "off." It is a learning curve, to be sure. I have not yet mastered this curve, but I am getting there!
     I have also brought into my life an herbal supplement of St. John's Wort, and two stones which I believe have been helping me on my mission to stabilize my chemical imbalance, along with more counseling, and this time it will be cognitive therapy, and I will be getting a full psychological evaluation so I know what I am dealing with, and how best to proceed.

 This is Sodalite, it helps shift the brain from more emotional decisions, to more rationality based thinking, and it's quite beautiful! I've had the necklace for over a decade, but never really knew how much it helped because I never wore it close to my skin. The bracelet really grounds me, and if I'm feeling the slightest bit emotionally overwhelmed, I slip it on, and after a while, those emotions start to even out, and I don't feel quite so dysfunctional.
This is Lepidolite, it has naturally occurring lithium within it, so if you wear it close to your skin, it helps to control the chemical imbalance caused by ADHD, and Bi-Polar Disorder. If your body doesn't need the lithium, it will just eliminate it, no worries. It is a gorgeous purple stone, especially when tumbled & made into jewelry, but I just got a raw stone, that's all the rock shop had at the time. It has actually been a lifesaver over the past month. Now, I'm not sure if it's the stone, but I am seeing things more clearly these days than I used to. I am glad the Earth provides substances such as these to help us in our endeavors.

     Having the month of December start out so horribly, like my life was falling apart, and ending up so nicely, it makes me wonder just how much stock people ought to out into how they feel, and how their emotions can cause others around them to feel. I have yet to be able to make the rest of the family in the house as slap-happy as I am (I have my blue days still, they're just fewer, and farther between thank Heaven!), but this does not discourage me. I am seeing how it is affecting my relationship with my husband, and I like the results.
     There is nothing at all wrong with keeping this up. I intend to, and I would like to extend a challenge to anyone who reads this little blog: Notice how you are feeling. If you do not like it, you have the power within you to change it. Stop playing the victim. Victims always have stuff happen to them, and believe they are powerless to change those circumstances. That is an incorrect way of viewing yourself! 
     You have more power to change within you than ANYONE has lead you to believe! If you really want to change, you can.  I have proved this to myself. It doesn't hurt either, to have someone tell you that you are doing better than you thought you were doing. Please share with me how you are changing, and what steps you have taken to promote that change!

     Good luck, let me know how this goes for you.  As you can see, it has been going well for me- now if I could just get back into the habit of blogging weekly, that would top it all off.  I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could. I can do anything I put my mind to. So can you! Believe it! There is strength in numbers!